{"id":6248,"date":"2019-09-30T23:14:05","date_gmt":"2019-10-01T05:14:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/?p=6248"},"modified":"2022-05-29T06:01:46","modified_gmt":"2022-05-29T12:01:46","slug":"happiness-can-be-learned-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/happiness-can-be-learned-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Happiness Can Be Learned &#8211; Part 2 &#8211; Personal Mastery"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-playlist wp-audio-playlist wp-playlist-light\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"wp-playlist-current-item\"><\/div>\n\t\t<audio controls=\"controls\" preload=\"none\" width=\"674\"\n\t\t\t><\/audio>\n\t<div class=\"wp-playlist-next\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"wp-playlist-prev\"><\/div>\n\t<noscript>\n\t<ol>\n\t\t<li><a href='https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Happiness-Can-be-Learned-Personal-Mastery.mp3'>Happiness Can be Learned - Personal Mastery<\/a><\/li><li><a href='https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Happiness-Can-be-Learned-Social-Interaction.mp3'>Happiness Can be Learned - Social Interaction<\/a><\/li><li><a href='https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Happiness-can-be-Learned-Money.mp3'>Happiness can be Learned -Money<\/a><\/li>\t<\/ol>\n\t<\/noscript>\n\t<script type=\"application\/json\" class=\"wp-playlist-script\">{\"type\":\"audio\",\"tracklist\":true,\"tracknumbers\":true,\"images\":true,\"artists\":true,\"tracks\":[{\"src\":\"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Happiness-Can-be-Learned-Personal-Mastery.mp3\",\"type\":\"audio\/mpeg\",\"title\":\"Happiness Can be Learned - Personal Mastery\",\"caption\":\"\",\"description\":\"\\\"Happiness Can be Learned - Personal Mastery\\\".\",\"meta\":{\"artist\":\"Stephen Choo Quan\",\"album\":\"Design and Execute\",\"length_formatted\":\"6:14\"},\"image\":{\"src\":\"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-includes\/images\/media\/audio.svg\",\"width\":48,\"height\":64},\"thumb\":{\"src\":\"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-includes\/images\/media\/audio.svg\",\"width\":48,\"height\":64}},{\"src\":\"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Happiness-Can-be-Learned-Social-Interaction.mp3\",\"type\":\"audio\/mpeg\",\"title\":\"Happiness Can be Learned - Social Interaction\",\"caption\":\"\",\"description\":\"\\\"Happiness Can be Learned - Social Interaction\\\".\",\"meta\":{\"artist\":\"Stephen Choo Quan\",\"album\":\"Design and Execute\",\"length_formatted\":\"5:59\"},\"image\":{\"src\":\"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-includes\/images\/media\/audio.svg\",\"width\":48,\"height\":64},\"thumb\":{\"src\":\"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-includes\/images\/media\/audio.svg\",\"width\":48,\"height\":64}},{\"src\":\"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Happiness-can-be-Learned-Money.mp3\",\"type\":\"audio\/mpeg\",\"title\":\"Happiness can be Learned -Money\",\"caption\":\"\",\"description\":\"\\\"Happiness can be Learned -Money\\\".\",\"meta\":{\"artist\":\"Stephen Choo Quan\",\"album\":\"Design and Execute\",\"length_formatted\":\"11:36\"},\"image\":{\"src\":\"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-includes\/images\/media\/audio.svg\",\"width\":48,\"height\":64},\"thumb\":{\"src\":\"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-includes\/images\/media\/audio.svg\",\"width\":48,\"height\":64}}]}<\/script>\n<\/div>\n\t\n<h1><strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Internal Control and Personal Mastery<\/span><\/strong><\/h1>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">One main source of happiness is our autonomy, the desire to direct our own lives, our destiny. Destiny is born from our habits, our habits are born of our consistent actions; these actions are descendants of our emotions and thoughts. Our<\/span><strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\"> everyday thoughts and emotions can find our ultimate happiness.<\/span><\/strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">\u00a0Our self-awareness is how we grasp control of our thoughts and emotions.<\/span><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_9183\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-9183\" style=\"width: 554px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/happiness1.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-9183\" src=\"http:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/happiness1.png\" alt=\"happiness map\" width=\"554\" height=\"597\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/happiness1.png 554w, https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/happiness1-278x300.png 278w, https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/happiness1-390x420.png 390w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 554px) 100vw, 554px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-9183\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Happiness Map<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Self-love must exist before we begin the transformation of Internal control. We must believe we are worthy of love and belonging. That is the only difference between the one of shame and guilt. Shame focuses on self, but guilt focuses on behavior. Guilt is our failure to do per our personal values. When we can look in the mirror and feel guilt and not shame, then we can forgive our past and learn to be comfortable in our skin. We can allow ourselves to appreciate our uniqueness that we can share with the world.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">If you find yourself saying, \u201cyou are selfish,\u201d \u201cyou are clumsy,\u201d \u201cyou are stupid,\u201d then you are shaming others, and you will want to replace those words with \u201cyour actions are not generous,\u201d \u201cyou steps were not agile,\u201d \u201cwhat you thought, in that case, was not your smartest thought\u201d which leans toward guilt and not shame. You focus on the action and not the person. You are removing blame, which never helps in the learning process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">There are 3 types of belonging,\u00a0<\/span><strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">private<\/span><\/strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">,\u00a0<\/span><strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">interpersonal<\/span><\/strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">, and\u00a0<\/span><strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">collective.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Private which is about self and loneliness. Interpersonal is the bond formed between 2 people. Collective belonging is a pattern of collective attachment among socially diverse individuals within contemporary societies<\/span><strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Self-love will teach us private belonging. The type that Angelou speaks about. You belong to no one and everyone. You only belong to yourself, to stand alone.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">\u201cYOU ONLY ARE FREE WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU BELONG NO PLACE \u2014 YOU BELONG EVERY PLACE \u2014 NO PLACE AT ALL.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">\u2015\u00a0<\/span><strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">MAYA ANGELOU, CONVERSATIONS WITH MAYA ANGELOU<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Once you start to feel a comfortable sense of private belonging, you will be more robust to manage interpersonal and collective belonging. This is where inner control becomes crucial. I will define inner control as the ability to sense emotions as they arise, make sense of them, and productively direct them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Wisdom is developed in the reflection of life, the sum of all your experiences reflecting on those experiences, but the character is built at the moment. We must balance analysis with a focus to ultimately build character. The thinking process that happens in the duration between a stimulus received and the action is taken can define this.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">This analysis, if guided by principles, will shape and define impressive character. Your principles and values need to be your internal scorecard to control the outcome and control your happiness. On the other side of the ledger, if we fail to have inner control and the moment between stimulus and action is short and emotional, we will be classified along a gradient from \u201cmildly irritating\u201d to \u201cbat sh%t CRAZY.\u201d This will lead to a failed sense of interpersonal or collective belonging. In the absence of love and belonging, there is suffering and unhappiness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">In many ways, telling you to have inner control is like telling a short man to be tall. We know what we want, but how do we get it? You will have to trust body wisdom because the brain is not wired directly to inner control but through the emotional center. We feel in our gut the emotions that arise. We must become self-aware of the physiological responses in our bodies. While we have hundreds of emotions, let us look at 10 common emotions and some possible actions to avert negative actions when we feel emotions bubbling up.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">We rejoice most when we marry emotion and action, but they are very separate yet linked. Psychiatrist and psychotherapist\u00a0<\/span><a class=\"editor-rtfLink\" href=\"http:\/\/www.biancaprevidimd.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Bianca Previdi, M.D.<\/span><\/a><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">, says that the persons with the best emotional regulation are not those who feel the least intensely but ironically feel the most intensely and can metabolize the emotions the fastest.<\/span><\/p>\n<h1><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">10 Emotional Signals and Actions Suggested For Internal Control<\/span><\/h1>\n<h2><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">TRAP IT &gt; MAP IT &gt; ZAP IT<\/span><\/h2>\n<h3><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Take better responses to take control of your destiny.<\/span><\/h3>\n<table>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>EMOTION<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\"><strong>ACTION<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>Uncomfortable<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\">Investigate more what is at the root<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>Fear\/Anxiety<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\">Prepare<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>Hurt<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\">Manage expectations and\/or communicate<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>Anger<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\">Violated my standard or searched for repressed hurt and sadness<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>Frustrated<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\">Bad approach, use an alternate route<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>6.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>Disappointment<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\">Adjust expectations, behaviors<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>7.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>Guilt or Regret<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\">I broke my standard, seek forgiveness, and learn<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>8.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>Inadequate<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\">Need training, mentor, quality information<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>9.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>Overloaded<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\">Decompose big tasks, chunk down, abandon unimportant tasks<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"101\"><strong>10.\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"198\"><strong>Lonely<\/strong><\/td>\n<td width=\"324\">Socialize and connect with a friend<strong>, <\/strong>meet new people<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<h4><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">A few Tactical Questions that can positively orient your thoughts<\/span><\/h4>\n<ul>\n<li><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Set your alarm for 8 times in a day, and when it goes off, ask yourself.<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"ql-indent-1\"><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">&#8220;what are you thinking about?&#8221; and &#8220;what is the emotion you are experiencing?&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">At the end of the day, ask yourself 3 questions:<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"ql-indent-1\"><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">What did you learn today?<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"ql-indent-1\"><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">What did you contribute today?<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"ql-indent-1\"><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">What did you enjoy today?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">YOU WILL FIND MEANING AND HAPPINESS WHEN YOU CAN FIND BEAUTY IN A FLOATING FISH HEAD IN A BOWL OF DIRTY WATER.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Sooner or later, we will meet crises. It usually rares its ugly head on average every 3 months, and how we meet it will determine our future happiness. Illness, tragedy, and death are life&#8217;s big 3 that can send you for a toss. We need to be prepared and safeguard against them. We must have the mental toughness to ride these out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">It is our locus of control that determines our happiness. The more control we think we have to determine our future, the happier we tend to be. It is when we are not in control; then we tend to become unhappy. It s never too early or too late to reinvent yourself, so pivot your life toward inner control and ultimately toward personal mastery.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">in part 3, I will dive into the aspect of\u00a0<\/span><a class=\"editor-rtfLink\" href=\"http:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/happiness-can-be-learned-part3\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Money and Job<\/span><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">if you have not\u00a0<\/span><a class=\"editor-rtfLink\" href=\"http:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/happiness-can-be-learned-part-1\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">read part 1 &#8211; the biggest secret to happiness<\/span><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<h1><\/h1>\n<p><strong>Thanks for reading and Sharing \u2764<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Follow me\u00a0On:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/taylorchooquan\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Instagram<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/stephen.chooquan\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Facebook<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/stephenchooquan\/\">Linked in<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Internal Control and Personal Mastery One main source of happiness is our autonomy, the desire to direct our own lives, our destiny. Destiny is born from our habits, our habits are born of our consistent actions; these actions are descendants of our emotions and thoughts. Our everyday thoughts and emotions can find our ultimate happiness.\u00a0Our [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6352,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[53],"class_list":["post-6248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life","tag-happiness"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/freedom.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6248","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6248"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6248\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13800,"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6248\/revisions\/13800"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6352"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6248"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6248"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.designandexecute.com\/designs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6248"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}